“I should be doing the laundry”
“I should be eating a salad”
“I should be getting my work done”
Sounds innocent enough, right?
Then there’s the shouldn’ts
“I shouldn’t be scared”
“I shouldn’t eat that”
“I shouldn’t feel that way”
We live by lists and goals and meetings and tasks.
It’s what drives us.
When we live in the world of shoulds and shouldn’ts we’re being controlled by outside expectations, by our masculine mindset.
Telling ourselves, “I should be doing something”, or “I need to be doing something”, is living our lives by what we think others see as value, by other people’s expectations.
When we force ourselves to do things we think we ‘should’ or ‘need’ to do we are setting ourselves up with expectations that are not truly aligned with our intuition.
Then, when we don’t complete our shoulds, we then fall into the cycle of disappointment, guilt, frustration, shame.
Should is an addiction for the alpha female.
Our list of shoulds equates to our need for external validation of achievement.
Releasing ourselves from the shoulds
We can release ourselves from the cycle of shoulds by changing our language.
What if instead of saying, “I should be doing my work” we say, “I get to do my work”.
Take in how that shifts the feeling of those words.
By changing the language to “I get to…” you’re now seeing your tasks as a positive.
Then, if that task doesn’t get completed, you’re not then sent into an instant feeling of failure.
Another strategy for getting out of the cycle of shoulds is to journal or make a list of the shoulds that are running through your mind.
When you feel yourself getting sucked back into that alpha female mindset running on to-do lists and shoulds, take time to pause and write down the words in your head.
Then review that list and ask yourself which of those items you get to do (see that language shift) and which of those items aren’t aligned with your intuition. Most likely you’ll find items on your list of shoulds that you have no desire to do, that are not aligned with your core values or intuition, yet you were doing them out of the need for external validation and approval.
When we shift our mindset, we can shift the flow of energy.
When we align our language, we can align ourselves with the flow of positive energy.
If you’re currently stuck in the vortex of shoulds, just pause. Take a moment to breathe, and then reflect. Write down those thoughts, and then work through them. Release yourself from the shoulds and instead align yourself with what you get to do.
Are you currently living in the shoulds?
Always remember that you have a choice. Shoulds are not required. Shoulds do not have control over you. What can you do today to free yourself from the shoulds?
I’d love to hear from you in the comments. Let’s work through your thoughts from above.